Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You took a bar mat shot.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
