he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
