I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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