Will you blow on my dice?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
