MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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