Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
