i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
