So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
