In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
