..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
