She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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