party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
