Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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