i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
