I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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