After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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