The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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