I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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