Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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