I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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