Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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