Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
