people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize