If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
