Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
