The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
