he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
