I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
