Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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