Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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