so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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