I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i will never coherently bang her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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