He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
