So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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