dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
