Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
