Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
