He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
