dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
