Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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