My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
