You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
