I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
