If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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