You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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