We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
