if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
