his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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