if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
