I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize