but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish I only lived at night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize