What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
