put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
