What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
