Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
