i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
