Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
