..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
