I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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