hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
