Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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