It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
