You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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