So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
