It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
