You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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