He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
