I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
