I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize