Sry I called you an 8
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
