were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Even my vagina gasped.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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