I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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