Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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