its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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