im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
